Classical realism vs the rest of the world

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Painting by Nelson Shanks

After my training (about a year in a classical atelier), I came out believing that classical realism is supreme. Having entered the atelier with no prior knowledge of art history, I was like a sponge, absorbing everything about the rich history of realism. I was in awe of the skill of my teacher and the people around me.

When I learn from someone I admire, I get so caught up with absorbing some of their genius that I start to emulate them to my best abilities. When I left the atelier, I had some skills but felt so lost. I hated using a tiny brush and the amount of time it took me to create paintings that did nothing to me. I was drawn to paintings which were more expressive, like Nicolai Fechin and Sorolla. They did something to my soul that a realist painting would not. For the longest time,  I had this battle raging in my head - classical realism vs everything else. In my heart, I wanted my paintings to be loose and expressive but my brain was trained to look at the tiniest form on the nose or the lips and to try and capture it. If I didn't capture it, I would feel like I am letting my teacher down and there-in lies my biggest fault. I had forgotten that the most important person I paint for is myself, not for my teacher or anyone else. I paint because I desire to create. At the end of the day, I need to paint in a style that resonates with me. It is easier said than done. It drove me nuts but the more I painted, the more obvious it was.

Painting by Nicolai Fechin

It's a good thing that I always listen to my heart and not my brain(aka I quit my full-time job to paint). So going against my brain, I sought a teacher who painted in a style that is the  complete opposite of classical realism.

Another fault of mine is believing that there is a one and only...  When I brought this up with my new teacher, she said something that seems so obvious in hindsight but I was oblivious until I heard it. She said "It is a matter of preference, of personal choice. I would not compare classical realism to impressionism." This conversation changed me. Would you compare Mozart to Nirvana? Each one has its own audience that revere and worship them.  Once I accepted this, my eyes opened up to whole new world of artistic sensibilities. I had given myself the permission to explore and I felt free.

I have since learned to admire so many different styles of paintings. I have learned that I love design, and I love line. I love moody paintings. I love complex paintings and I love simple paintings. Most of all, I love paintings that are about the paint application. I love it when the subject is an accidental byproduct of the paint application. It's an ongoing process and each day I discover something new to love.

I have found out what is true to me because I gave myself the permission to do so. I know that this will change as I grow and that's part of the journey. But for now, I can say the battle in my head has ended with no casualties.